the faulty return.

My dad drove through the gate furiously. I calmly sat in the back seat, my eyes clouded with tears. I heard people wail. They cursed it in the strongest terms. I didn't know the car had stopped, until my father opened the door and stretched his arm at me. 

"Son, we're home. Let's go to the house."

He held me by the shoulder and led me to the house. People stood in clusters. Their cries had subsided when they saw us come in. Everyone remained motionless. Some looked at me with pitiful eyes. It was as I no life stirred. 

In the house; my aunt, Jackie, sank in her seat oblivious of our arrival. She was more affected than I was. She was completely lost in her thoughts. 

"Maria, kindly lead us in a hymn and pray." Mama intoned in horse voice. 

Maria, a notable lady in our church cleared her throat and began.

For I dare not go alone, 

I must feel his presence near me

And his arms around me thrown.

Then my soul shall fear no ill

Let him lead me where he will

I will go without a murmur

And his footsteps follow still.

I must have a saviour with me

In the onward march of life

Through the tempest and the sunshine

Through the battle and the strife

I must have a saviour with me

And his eyes the way must guide

Till I reach the vale of Jordan

Till I cross the rolling...."

"Our father who liveth in heaven." She paused momentarily. I realized she was crying. Then a mid sobs she picked up again. 

"Our father. You never gave us a stone when we requested for bread. Neither a serpent for fish." She paused again and cleared her horse voice. 

"Dear God,cast not madness unto us. Our shoulder has been slashed off. Our son now weeps on his laps. God, give us strength. Strengthen us to live by your will. In your son's name I bring our sorrowful hearts. Amen."

She suddenly burst into a frightening wail. I saw the face sorrow in her eyes. She looked at me and her grief deepened. She moved close, held me by my shoulder and as if in a trance;

"I have seen this child grow up. My child, why didn't you have the strength to fight for her?

Now everything stood still and focus of the entire room shifted to her. Everyone wanted to listen more. 

"My child where were your spears? You've for a long time fought enemies of our land. Put on your armour and fight for her. Fight for her!"

 I felt my heart ladden with grief. Anger was choking me. I tried to utter a word but air escaped my chest through my mouth. My lips quivered. I felt a heavy ball roll from my chest to the throat. I rested in aunt Jackie's arms like a child. My heart beat fast. The pace increased steadily. 

"Cry child. Let it out. Cry." Aunt spoke softly. 

Sonya had left at a time our affair was flourishing. I cried not because I had lost a beautiful person, but a part of me had been cut off. She was a lady of stature. Good mannerisms were her weakest point. Having grown up at the feet of her grandmother, Sonya had grown into a woman of great repute. Naturally beautiful, she had a round face that achored a set of bewitching watery eyes that sparkled with an indignation of finality and utmost aloofness. I loved her set of teeth. White as snow, with a gap that gave her life an undying smile and glamour. 

When I met Sonya at first when I visited aunt Jackie, I baffled. Her presence struck me with utter confusion. I was lost of words. That night I didn't sleep. I cursed myself more than ever for having been a coward, I wished I could have said a word to her. The following morning, aunt easily noticed my restlessness. 

"Son, you look worried. Your eyes are swollen too." She spoke gently. "Didn't you sleep well last night?" She inquired.

"I slept aunt." I replied.

"Then what troubles you my child? Are you sick?

After ascertaining that I was fine, I opened up to her. I knew she could scold me. Surprisingly, she laughed. It was a genuine laughter. 

She took me through a brief history of Sonya. Her parents had passed on in a frightening succession, beginning with her father. From the age of two years, she had put up with her grandmother through thick and thin. 

"She has been brought up nicely my son." She said. "She definitely can make a good wife for you some day." She laughed.

My heart leapt in my mouth. I had not expected it. 

"Now," she continued, "put on a good face and look up to this day with great joy. I will call her for you. You two can begin to know each other." She said affirmatively. 

My face lit up with a feverish smile. I had loved her at first sight. My heart was surging with a reassurance that she was the one. 

When she finally came that afternoon, we did less of talking. We often stole glances at each other safe for the introduction. At about 160 hours, aunt brought the evening tea and guided our discussion thereafter. We were almost stuck for we failed to construct any meaningful story.

"Sonya you are a daughter to me." She said and took a long pause. "Hassan is my nephew. He is a great treasure to me. My daughter," she paused again. "Last night he hardly had a trace of sleep in his eyes after seeing you." 

My heart was thumping loud in my mouth. The heartbeat could be heard.

"My daughter, he's a jolly good handsome boy. I think it's wise for you two to start seeing each other. " She continued.

"Okay mum." Sonya said with a smile on her face. She was beautiful.

"My son here has come to bid me farewell since he's flying out of the country for specialised military training. He has come for my blessings as always." Aunt paused rather too long. 

"Sonya, I wish you start looking at him as your future man because he is a great guy." She said affirmatively.

Sonya took a long glance at me. Her eyes glittered. The pupils dilated. She opened up her face to a beautiful smile.

"Okay mum." She said. "I have seen a gentleman in him too. I'd like to hear from him. " She intoned. I ran ran short of words. 

"Aunt. I must admitt I didn't expect this to come to such a serious not so fast." I said as I regained my composure. "I adore the beauty that is before me. But my worry is if Sonya will agree to wait till my return." I said.

She agreed to be patient. Many men had come and gone. None had been lucky to be accommodated in her heart. I had leaked luck and the taste was as sweet as a fine strawberry. I was her man. Later on that evening, She held my hand and looked me into the face. 

"Hassan," she paused momentarily and artistically twisted her mouth. "Before you go I would like you to meet my grandmother." She said.

I agreed. The following morning, due to fear, aunt Jackie escorted me to her home. Sonya's grandmother received us warmly, definitely she had been briefed on our coming. We shared much and promised to be back after my training to formalize our engagement.

Before her grandmother and aunt Jackie, she hugged me and again made a vow to wait till I returned. Deep in my heart, I went with her mind and soul engraved in me. I longed for the day I would run back to her.

I had been worked up through the training that my focus remained on the battle front. Much thought on social life turned to a film of motion events with Ltn. Hassan Kombo in charge. I saw victories behind the enemy lines. During the last two months of our training,our skills were braught to test in a mock battle in the Sahara desert. The flight was so fast. Though not a real battle, but anxiety befriended my mind and soul. I knew it was a chance to maintain me at the top of the game or break me. The air smelt dust. It was dry. The sun high above the sky shone with anger, as we alighted in full combat gear. I was the team leader of section three, a team under specialised training in missile technology and close combat extraction. We pitched our tent and waited for the next set of orders.

That evening as we rested our heads on the heavy bags, I noticed a sharp light from the distant sky. It was fire-like. Our camp had been targeted. I remember shouting at my colleagues. As we dived to the ground, the tent was hit. It was a real battle. Our training had been intefered with. That night we had a fierce exchange of fire that lasted close to six hours. Once more, I had to affirm the confidence my seniors had in me. When the battle ceased, I had all my men. Though injured, but the battle had been won. It was an unexpected experience for us.

Henceforth, the experience became worse, with each day affirming the fact that human beings are just mortal. I saw the face of terror with loss of life becoming a daily event. Men succumbed to grenade attacks. Landmines dotted the sandy grounds, with any miscalculated step consuming one or two.

On the final day, we came to a joint camp and anyone could confirm that our numbers had drastically been taken out. We had a brief from our commanders for a bout one hour. 

"You are going home boys." Said the general.

Our relatives had been briefed of our arrival date and the brief ceremony thereafter. The flight back home was rather slow than when we came. Hours dragged by. My eyes remained transfixed in the window down to the ground. The earth looked beautiful from an aerial view-a brown carpet with well decorated green patches. Four hours up I'm the sky, at 1700 hours we touched down at Nanyuki airbase. We spent a night I'm Nanyuki before we could travel to Nairobi for the award ceremony in Kahawa.

That night I took to bed unusually early. It was not only long but sleepless too I spent a long time staring at the rafters. The room was not so decent as it was a custom with any military holding. No thought was constant and clear in my mind. Events seemed to flash and disappear at the same time. I thought of my famil- my dad, mama and my siblings. I had been away for six months. I missed them.

The ceremony square was pared to the brim. The orchestra played on, entertaining guests from all walks of life. Thoughts of Sonya were amplified by the band. My parents had promised to bring her along. Dad had sounded excited over the whole issue of Sonya coming with them. More than ever, I longed to see her. I missed her. Was her heart still beating for us?

The ceremony took to order when the commander-in-chief arrived. As orders were being given, I felt a complete man. I imagined myself rising through the ranks. I loved the ceremonial regalia. The president inspected the guard of honour and thereafter we reaffirmed our oaths of service. Later on in the day we had a good time with our families.

Sonya looked more beautiful. Six months had changed her so much. We talked at length and gave my family a go-ahead to organize our traditional wedding. We were not going home just yet. We were to report to our different bases before breaking for a week. I wanted the wedding to take place within the same holiday break. I understood the gravity of the matter and knew my parents were going to have a hell of meetings organizing the wedding within a week.

Nanyuki air base became my next home. I wanted to foster a first perfect impression to my seniors, for I understood how well that worked. My commander was a jolly good boss, with a warm characte- a rare trait in military. After one week, he gave me my off, a short break of one week, but when learnt of my wedding, he became unusually excited. He prolonged it for another one week. I was going home for two weeks. 

When I arrived home that morning, slightly dark, I was greeted with an air of deafening silence. At 0400 hours, the front door was still open. Dad's car was not in the parking yard. Something was unusual. My heart sank. I knocked but there was no response. I entered and met the sullen faces. No one from my immediate family was around. They all looked at me surprised. Either I was at the wrong place or at the right place when time wasn't right. Aunt Jackie came from the back corridor and upon seeing me she tenderly embraced me. 

"Where is dad?" That was the only question I remember asking. 

"Sonya was taken ill. She was rushed to the hospital in the evening and they have not returned." Aunt said calmly. 

After a brief talk with aunt I rushed to join my family in the hospital. I stood at the stage for over two hours with no car in vision.

At 0600 hours I boarded a matatu to the hospital. The tout knew me. He introduced himself and tried to force a story but my concentration was miles away, torn into unpieceable pieces. My heart and spirits sank. Occasional stops almost got me out running ahead of the vehicle. 

At 0800 hours I arrived at the hospital. My father's car was still parked at the reception. I walked in not sure of the specific place to go to first. I didn't ask anyone either. I walked through the outpatient wing but saw no one. Soon my eyes remained transfixed to the service charter board. Much attention was pegged on the revenue collected from the bold numbers against each item. This is the facility where my wife had been brought. Funny or rather disappointing, I had not known where she was and what she was suffering from. 

"Hassan!" I heard the voice.

"Was she with a serious health issue that brought everybody waiting?" I thought to myself.

"Hassan!"

I heard the voice for the second time. Amid confusion I turned. It was my dad.

"Hassa, when did you arrive?" He asked surprised. 

"A few hours ago dad." I answered. "Where is Sonya?"

Dad hesitated and gave me a long glance. The silence was not only long but abnormal too, in the context of any serious conversation. 

"Sonya was taken ill yesterday." Dad said. "I brought her here. We brought her." Dad sounded uneasy. 

"Where is Sonya?" I asked again.

"She's under observation. She's in with your mother." She's getting well. She'll be fine." He added. 

I requested to be taken in. He was hesitant at first. He finally yielded to my request and led the way. When I got in, Sonya was asleep. Mum and her grandmother had sat on her bed. Upon seeing me, mama hugged me and they both stood aside, motioning me to sit on the bed. Her breath was almost faint. She slowly opened her eyes and forced a cold smile. 

"I'm glad you came my husband." She said in a horse voice.

I was not sure whether to smile or frown at the statement. We were not yet married. Maybe pain had taken a toll on her that she imagined us already married. I smiled too. She paused rather long. She held my hand and I felt how weak she had grown. As we emotionally interacted, I checked through her medical file that hung loosely near her head rest. She had advanced leukemia.

"I love you Hassan." It's all she said.

I could not hold my tears back. She turned cold. Her eyes shut but maintained the cold smile.

Air escaped my lungs. I felt light. I saw no one. I let out a wail. Sonya was gone. She had passed on in my arms. She had waited for me. It was my time too. My parents escorted me to the car. Sonya was trolleyed out to the mortuary wing. I wanted to go with her. I heard the engine start. 

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